The Fine Art of Not Saying Nothing

Why Feedback Shouldn’t Be a Plot Twist

Feedback is a crucial element in engineering and science, ensuring that systems function optimally within known boundaries. Thermostats regulate temperature by adjusting heating output. Vehicle cruise control maintains speed but adapts to other traffic. Biological feedback loops—such as homeostasis and insulin regulation—help the body stay in balance. Our lives are surrounded by feedback, and these control systems rely on timely, accurate, and measurable information to function effectively. Without feedback, systems become unstable, inefficient, or fail entirely. 

What’s the Business Relevance of that?

In teams and companies, feedback is just as critical. It plays a key role in the Engagement, Development, and Performance (EDP) cycle—a continuous process that keeps individuals motivated (engagement), equipped with the right skills and knowledge (development), and able to meet or exceed expectations (performance).

• Performance – People need to know what’s expected of them (the boundaries) and how they’re doing against those expectations. Without feedback, they can’t adjust, improve, or succeed. 
• Engagement – When people feel connected to the organisation and know their work is valued, they’re far more likely to be engaged—happier, more productive, and more motivated. Feedback closes the loop, and without it, they feel disconnected. 
• Development – Engaged employees who understand what they need to improve will invest in developing their skills. Feedback identifies those areas for growth.

 And so, we come full circle - engaged employees, who are continually honing their skills, will perform better and better. But none of this works unless people know where they stand and what they need to do next, and that all comes down to feedback. 

Key Considerations for Feedback to Be Useful

If you’re going to provide feedback - especially if it hasn’t been asked for - there are four key considerations to keep in mind:  

1. Are there clear expectations or a benchmark?  People like to know what success looks like. Without a benchmark or an expectation framework, feedback can feel arbitrary or like ‘just an opinion'. Worse, if it comes out of the blue, it can trigger defensiveness.  

2. Context matters.  The context of feedback can vary hugely. If someone is working towards an agreed goal, feedback should be specific to that goal. If they’ve taken the initiative, it’s important to acknowledge that effort before offering critique. Feedback on behavioural matters is particularly sensitive, as it either highlights social shortcomings or offers praise—both of which feel more personal.  

3. The balance between sensitivity and honesty.  Striking the right balance is crucial. Over-sensitivity - avoiding difficult conversations or ‘treading on eggshells’ - dilutes honesty and fails to address real issues. If feedback is too vague, the recipient may not even realise there’s a problem. At the other extreme, blunt or brutal honesty can feel like an attack, damage trust, and lower morale. Either extreme interferes with the EDP cycle. Cultural differences also play a role - some cultures, like German or Dutch, value directness, while many Asian cultures favour more indirect, high-context feedback.  

4. Timeliness is everything.  Feedback given too late loses relevance and impact. Small, frequent course corrections are far more effective than an annual review. Agile methodologies embrace this principle—continuous feedback loops allow teams to adjust in real-time. 

For the person providing feedback, achieving ‘sensitive honesty’ is often the biggest challenge, particularly in a professional setting. Being clear about expectations and context helps frame feedback effectively. And while timeliness is key, taking a moment to consider what needs to be said and how best to say it is just as important. 

How do I provide good Feedback?

There are some general principles to follow such as: 

Frame Feedback as a Contribution, Not a Criticism.  Instead of making it about what someone did “wrong,” position feedback as something that helps them improve: “I see where you’re going with this, but there’s an opportunity to strengthen the argument by adding ......” 

Balance Positive and Developmental Feedback. Research suggests that the ideal ratio of positive to critical feedback is 5:1 (five positive comments for every one developmental comment): “You did a great job with clarity and structure in your report, and I liked .......... One area that could make it even stronger is ..........” 

Acknowledge Effort and Intentions. Even if something needs improvement, recognising the effort and intent behind the work makes feedback more palatable: “I really appreciate the thought you put into this approach. One thing to tweak is…” 

Use the ‘Ask Before Tell’ Approach. Encourage self-reflection before giving feedback: “How do you think the presentation went? Anything you’d improve?”   

There are a variety of feedback models that you can use, each comes with a handy acronym. Some are variations of others, and some are suited to different situations.  Here are some of my favourites: 

Firstly, BOOST - which is more of a reminder about your approach and mindset regardless of the type of feedback you need to give:

• Balanced – Include both strengths and areas for improvement.
• Observed – Base it on what you saw/heard, not assumptions.
• Objective – Keep personal opinions or emotions out of it.
• Specific – Avoid vague feedback like:  “You need to be better.”
• Timely – Give feedback as soon as possible after the event.

GROW - this is good for coaching and future looking feedback:

• Goal – What are you trying to achieve? “You mentioned wanting to improve your leadership presence in meetings." 
• Reality – What’s happening now? “Right now, you tend to stay quiet until the end of discussions.” 
• Options – What could you do differently? “You could try speaking earlier in meetings to shape the conversation.” 
• Will – What action will you take? “What’s one small step you can commit to for the next meeting?”

COIN - good for reflecting on what has happened:

• Context – Set the scene: “During last week’s client meeting…”
• Observation – Describe what happened factually: “You provided a detailed explanation, but it went longer than expected.”
• Impact – Explain the consequences: “This meant we had less time for Q&A, and the client seemed a bit disengaged.”
• Next Steps – Offer a concrete suggestion: “Next time, consider summarising key points earlier to allow more interaction.”

Feedback Matters

Feedback is about helping people succeed.   People are a crucial part of your team or company - their success is yours.  The best leaders and organisations build strong feedback cultures where people seek and value feedback rather than fear it.   Like an engineering system, without feedback, performance drifts and failure becomes more likely.  

So, how will you GROW?  

Ad Futurum 

Graham